Wales, UK

Twenty.

17 April 2018


In a series of ultra late posts that'll be coming your way, I feel like I should mention the fact I turned twenty a few weeks ago. Specifically, on March 29th (if you'd like to jot that down in your calendar!).

I sort of went through a crisis in the run up to turning twenty. There was something sinister about finally leaving my teen years behind me. Although, I suppose it's hard to feel like a fully-fledged adult when you're 5'1, with a baby face and still getting ID'd for 15 cert films - I just want to buy a bottle of merlot in peace, god dammit!

I don't know how best to sum up the weird rollercoaster of emotions that befell upon me in the weeks leading to the dreaded doomsday that would be my twentieth birthday. The thought of completing one more year in this slow march towards death with the future of zimmer frames and dementia drawing closer filled with me with such trepidation that I imagine that's how Dorian Gray felt when he sold his soul to be forever young. In fact, putting aside Dorian's debauchery and hedonistic pleasures, I rather quite sympathise with him. I would've likely have done the same in my state of panic and dread.

Turning twenty, for the most part, hasn't been so bad. I went to London, got quite drunk on rosé at Burberry and threw up in a hotel room in Belgravia. So, it went well.

I actually find it mildly comforting that nobody will ever believe I'm twenty anyway as I can still bask in some pretend youth and I'm slowly coming to accept that, for the rest of my days, I'll need my ID on standby when buying practically anything. Conversations with cashiers about how I'll be thankful for my "youthful looks" when I hit forty while I inwardly despair and curse the gods for giving me a baby face have become second nature to me now.

I'm excited to see what my twenties will bring. Probably unemployment and high anxiety, but one can never be too optimistic.

ALSO: the blog's had a nice makeover to mark this momumental, transitional period in my life. That's right, I turned twenty, got wine drink and splashed out on a nice new theme. Big, big thanks to Eve @ Fearne Creative Design, who did my first big blog makeover a few years ago, for not only making my blog all nice again, but for being the loveliest person ever. I shudder to think of how terrible this blog looked before her help! Please do check out her shop!

Entered my twenties with the most positive of mindsets.

The balloons have now withered and ended up in the bin much like my youth and hopes and dreams. #rip.

Smiling through the sadness of turning twenty.

Join the conversation!

Post Signature

Latest Instagrams

© Samantha Kilford. Design by FCD.